'was a quiet day in WadAsia, following many days of birds singing and citizens blatantly displaying tranquil behavior by having picnics right next to the castle's moat. The King was busy weaseling out of challenges by other WadAsian knights claiming "computer problems" or possibly "bloating caused by water retention." I can't help but wonder what has happened to the sounds of battle that used to fill the air constantly in WadAsia.

I ventured out into the countryside in search of the other knights. The first knight I found was none other than Sir Jeffulot. Though still recovering from an emergency spleen transplant, he was busy shouting challenges and throwing picnic baskets at the castle. "Come out and fight like a man!!! Do you think I'm standing here for my health?!!! I can't believe Lord Azrael kicked my ass at tennis again!!"

The fallen King Kev was laying in a gutter in the red light district snorting crushed Flintstone vitamins, an addiction he developed during childhood stemming from a science experiment by Sir Jeffulot. As I tried to speak with him, he muttered something incomprehensible that sounded like "Greeg spink dumble wiffer groat comblund." I suspect he had large chunks of a bamm-bamm vitamin lodged in his throat.

Still reeling from grabbing defeat from the jaws of victory against King Kev, Bon Bon John the Awful was sacking and looting several towns to make himself feel better. He didn't seem to be gathering money or valuables, just weapons and fair maidens. And even some unfair maidens which he may release into the castle knowing the Dark Knight is not all that choosey when it comes to females.

Bodhisattva was running around different neighborhoods challenging anyone with a sword, including small children. When I asked why he had not challenged a knight or even the king, he claimed that he was "still in training." Judging by the number of screaming children, I'd say Bodhi is on the verge of beginning to formulate the words he needs to begin seriously thinking about when he might like to get around to deciding that he would possibly like to issue a challenge.

I, of course, haven't been able to fit challenges into my busy sex life and schedule of running around finding out what the other knights are doing and issuing worthless press releases like this one. The glory years of WadAsia seem to be long gone as the aging knights expend their energy on things like lawn and garden maintenance and building shelving. Hopefully tonight's battle between Sir Jeffulot and the Dark Knight will change all that.
~ Property of the WadAsian High Council

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