he wise Bodhi awakens from a cold sweat....
I had a dream...A knightmare really....in this dream the pagan keyboarders
were attempting to attack the holy temple of Grandmaster Gib and Master
Albino Bob (both famous mousers)...I as a pagan keyboarder was firing my
rockets (aimlessly and with little control) at the temple....as were the
rest of my keyboard brothers....Bad Mo Fo was dancing around as was Sir
Jeffulot...we attacked in waves and many space bars were pressed as we were
destroyed by Albino Bob/Gib's amazing accuracy.....Many times the amazing
Bob rocket jumped into the rafters to rain down death and destruction on
all below....The Gib-Meister would simply side step all rockets and
continue filleting us like a sabre through butter...
We (the keyboard pagans) took solace in the fact that the top positions in
WadAsia's hierarchy were held by keyboarders....Bad Mo Fo screamed "I am
the King dammit!!!Fear me"...just as Albino Bob (the devourer of souls)
bounced a grenade up his arse.....
We fought as men possesed...yet we could not even approach the holy temple
of Gib Kwon Do....Waves of us attacked and were beaten back.....
The last thing I could remember of this dream was Albino Bob (the death
bringer) standing over my dead corpse with a look of true sadness and
telling Grandmaster Gib "If he had only listened..."
I awoke trembling...."All this time I have made excuses for my keyboard
addiction....I had attempted the mouse before but was quickly shaking and
suffering from keyboard withdrawal...I could not kick my addiction"
I then realized that while our King and several of WadAsia's finest were
also keyboarders....The two most famous WadAsian...the two most feared
WadAsians...the two men that held no rank because they needed no
rank..namely Albino Bob (the soul devourer) and Gib-Meister (what else is
there?) were mousers...and each had tried to get me to switch...but I had
been a fool!!!!
I dressed quickly.....rode my stallion to the local WadAsian computer store
and bought a new 3-button mouse....I then packed my belongings and headed
north....towards the wildlands of Rhode Island..where the temple of Gib
Kwon Do was secreted....
I was let into the inner chamber of this holiest of places to see the
Grandmaster and Master....I fell to my knees sobbing and begged for
forgivenss and swore to cast off my keyboard addiciton if they would only
train me in the art of mouse warfare....
The seven foot giant (Albino Bob)let out a hearty laugh and said "We will
train you....but only if you can prove yourself worthy"...GrandMaster Gib
was levitaing in the Lotus position and was deep in meditation....so as not
to disturb him, Albino Bob (the feared) took me to the Gib Kwon Do training
center....The first thing he did was sever my keyboard from the enter key
over with his mighty battle axe....."There...no more arrow keys for you!!"
I began my training....I ran into the lava hundreds of time...I attempted
the patented Albino Bob (Death from above) rocket jump, only to blow myself
up...hundreds of times....I would cry myself to sleep every night and long
for the safety and security of my nice warm keyboard....But I slowly began
to see the innumerable advantages of the keyboard....Master Bob taught me
his secret keyboard configuration, while Grandmaster Gib shared his rocket
trajectory fomulas with me....Master Bob showed me how to soar to new
heights with his rocket jump...and Grandmaster Gib taught me his super
secret dive bomb maneuver.....Slowly things began to happen...I learned
that WadAsia is not merely a 2 D box...I learned to look everywhere...above
me...below me...behind me..all with a flick of my wrist....
I realized that I had been limiting myself and had been too scared to
challenge others above me..Content to keep my rank of troll (bleh!!)
This will soon change...
Bodhisattva-author of the 12 step process to cure keyboard addiction disorder
*other disclaimer: author's opinions are his own and DO NOT represent the
feelings of the WadAsian High Council
~ Property of the WadAsian High Council
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